We have been through it, haven't we? So much happened and didn't happen in 2020. Unfortunately, 2021 has not started too great either. I have also been reflecting on several personal difficulties experienced this year and in years past. I wasn't sure what to do with all the pain, hurt, frustration, and disappointment. I mean, I have been processing and dealing and coping and creating strategies and still, the pile-on is (insert raspberry spitting or your favorite choice word here).

So, what's the deal? How do we heal and move on in 2021 in a healthy way? I highly recommend counseling. I have also learned a lot about myself and those around me through studying the Enneagram. A solid introduction to the amazing world of the Enneagram is The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron and his podcast Typology. Another resource that allowed me to learn and explore the concept of internal boundaries is the book Boundaries for Your Soul by Alison Cook, Ph.D., and Kimberly Miller, MTh, LMFT. **

Okay! So, what is my word for 2021 already? I've decided my word is...

Expectations

A few weeks ago, while listening to the Typology podcast, Ian Morgan Cron said he has a sponsor who says,

"Expectations are resentments waiting to happen." *

I would love to tell you that I had this wonderful epiphany upon hearing the phrase and everything became clear.

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That is not what happened.

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Instead, hearing the phrase hit me some kind of way. However, I was busy working on all my expectations of Christmas, and in typical Enneagram 7 fashion, I was in no mood for hard feelings. So I tossed it in the back of my mind to ponder later. Big mistake.

The fact is that I am usually pretty good at managing my expectations. What I didn't realize is that I have some long-held expectations of how family, marriage, my relationships with my kids, traditions, and so on "SHOULD" look.

These are expectations that I need to investigate. Did they come from me or my family of origin? Are they bringing me joy or pain? Do they still apply or do they need to be adjusted? What are appropriate boundaries in the context of any expectations that need to be adjusted?

These are not questions that will be easy to answer and I am sure that more will come. Additionally, I want to create positive expectations for myself, my relationships, and my business through healthy goals that are balanced by boundaries and managing my expectations of others.

So, now I will spend 2021 thinking about that word, expectations, and how it applies to my life. The exercise is not just in considering expectations of the past to bring healing, but also being mindful of my expectations moving forward to bring growth.

Now, what is your word for 2021? I would love to hear about it on our social media posts.

* According to the interwebs, the quote Ian Morgan Crohn mentioned is original to Anne Lamott.

** Affiliate links pay a small commission to me at no cost to you.

(We are a Mac family so I apologize for not having info on Androids. Anyone with information on different phones, please share in the comments below.) 

I used to take the phones up each night, often resulting in my kids attempting to engage in negotiations… often resulting in arguing. I’m just going to be honest here and admit that I was not always the immovable oak I would like to have been. Sometimes I flat forgot, sometimes I just wanted peace, sometimes I had been the oak 100 times during the day and I just couldn’t do it again at that hour when it was time for bed.

Then it happened… Apple updated its IOS (internal operating system) for the iPhone and it included SCREENTIME!!!!! This was a game-changer in a lot of ways but, unfortunately, the original version only controlled certain things and I still had to take the phones away at night. So it was wonderful but not yet perfect. 

Even so, my kids were super frustrated because most of their friends’ parents didn’t know anything about screentime and they felt it was unfair that I did. So, it has been my privilege to share with many of my parent friends all about screentime so their kids could be as miserable about it as mine. LOL

I’m kidding… sort of.

Seriously though, I found that parents were eager to use these tools to manage the phone, they just didn’t know it existed. 

Well, the recent IOS update by Apple added additional features that allow the scheduled downtime to turn off the calling, Face Time, and messaging except for programmed specific numbers! The schedule is even customizable now so that you can schedule different times for the school week and the weekend. I am so very happy! I don’t have to take the phone away anymore. One less debate, negotiation, or argument with four teenagers! 🙂 The phone is now only good for very few selected functions during the downtime (at night) but they can still call or message family in case of an emergency.

I hope you find this as helpful and stress-relieving as I have. For more specific information on how to use screentime, click on this link to an article by PC Magazine that provides details on how to set it up. 

How to Use Screentime in Apple IOS 12

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